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Entries in reviews (70)

Saturday
Dec082012

Hotline Miami: Crime and Punishment


I thought I heard the door open but I disregarded it. I was too lost in my task, rationing dirty cash for my crew of big money games, to notice even a breeze of wind. My crew is loyal, experienced, and have a variety of skills, but at the same time they're loud, cocky, and always trying to get the attention of the world at large. Tucked away in my room counting bills that I'd not long hold, I paid no mind to the commotion my games were making outside; that's what these guys did during down time. I should've know something was amiss when the flat fell silent, but I wasn't paying close enough attention. Moments after the unsettling quiet my door violently swung open, and before I had the chance to even question what was happening, Hotline Miami crushed my skull with a baseball bat.

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Friday
Nov092012

Curiosity: Curiosity Killed the Fun

Chisel out exciting messages to share with the world

Peter Molyneux - the Grand Puba of hyperbole - has returned with his latest, greatest project known as Curiosity. What is Curiosity? An massively multiplayer mobile "game" in which players work together to chip away at a giant cube which is rendered as countless individual cubes. Only one of the horde of Curiosity players will be treated to a secret prize hidden away in the cube, which they can then either share with the world or keep as their own private trophy. Following their decision, no doubt Mr. Molyneux will claim his "game" a success before retiring to his hall of mirrors, where he every night proclaims his greatness which is reinforced by his reflections.

I hate ripping on people who try, and Lords know Peter does try his hardest, however if there's one thing I hate - well, I hate a lot of things - but if there's one of the many relevant to this piece, it's a habitual liar. Unfortunately, the ex-Lionhead Studio lead is a constant offender, having brought his old ways to his new studio 22Cans. Curiosity isn't so much a product of lies, but rather a waste of time. It's a social experiment wrapped in a loosely termed game, which requires hours of combined player-power with little-to-no satisfaction save for the single recipient of whatever is inside the cube. My guess is that the "winner" will receive a video file containing a talking, floating, Molyneux head, which has some sort of positive bullshit message about Curiosity changing the world, book ended by proclaiming himself the world's greatest human being. Awesome!


When you launch Curiosity, provided you are able to, as server load prevents connection to the game quite often, you are faced with a gigantic cube. You can pan and tilt the cube to see the world's progress thus far, and if a particular piece of land calls your name, you zoom in and have at it. As you get up close and personal with the cube, you see that each pixel of the bigger piece is individually rendered and reacts to the action taken around it. Tap tap tap tap tap at the cube to chip away, causing the mini-cubes to shake and stir as their brethren are poked to death. The more efficiently you tap, the higher combo you rack, the more coins you receive. Rinse repeat. You can take your coins to a store to purchase utensils that will make your cube-dispensing life that much easier. Rinse repeat. This is basically Curiosity in a nutshell. Wait, no. This is pretty much the full scope of Curiosity. It's an interesting multiplayer concept, allowing pretty much the entire world the ability to work together toward a singular cause, however the reward is not something the community as a whole will profit from. I play games to release frustration, to beat scores, gain accomplishments, admire art and design, or hear an interesting tale. Very rarely do I play simply to waste time. Curiosity offers none of the above, save for the latter.

It's said the cube will take months to penetrate to its secretive core, perhaps years if these server connection issues continue. As the mobile gaming landscape evolves monthly, will something as vapid as Curiosity have the holding power to keep the demanding mob of gamers satiated for the duration of its lifecycle, or will it fizzle out before being chipped away for good? For me, Curiosity's lack of enjoyment is enough to fend me off while suggesting you do the same. Sure it's free, but so is the incredible Punch Quest, which offers a seemingly endless stream of awesome and feels much more rewarding. The bottom line is that we game for a purpose, a satisfaction unique and individual to each of us. I don't want my experience clouded by an unrewarding social experiment, at least not like this. It's an interesting concept to which I'd be more receptive of if it were presented differently, as in if it were actually fun. 

The Score: 2 outta 10 Blasters!

Monday
Oct292012

Punch Quest: Raising (and Punching) The Bar


Not too long ago I heard about a game called Punch Quest which reminded me of the very good (and very free) Jetpack Joyride. Now months later, Punch Quest has hit the iOS App Store and has become one of the most addicting iPhone games I've played all year. Coincidentally, it's the first game I've really put through the paces on my iPhone 5, and the pair is insanely fast, clear, and colorful. In the midst of Hurricane Sandy, with internet service coming and going, and power threatening to shut down at any given moment, Punch Quest was a boon to my fingertips, helping me to avoid boredom.

Punch Quest is very simple really, you run endlessly and you have two buttons controlling your highly customizable avatar. Left button jumps and uppercuts, useful for platforming and attacking, right causes you to dash ahead and simultaneously throw a straight punch. As you further yourself along the game you gain increasing amounts of Punchos (in-game currency, great name for a cereal) to purchase and unlock loot (in-app purchases to buy more currency) and upgrades, both cosmetic and functional. Once I started unlocking more advanced techniques and learning what the ever-advancing stage was throwing at me - including multiple paths - I realized how complex this little game actually is. Once you begin perfectly stringing together 80+ hit combos while avoiding enemy attacks and pitfalls, it becomes more hardcore twitch platformer a la Super Meat Boy than casual Temple Run-and-jump, without alienating either fanbase.

+ Hardcore twitch-reflex action while remaining casual friendly
+ Tons of customization options (both cosmetic and functional)
+ Insanely addictive
+ iPhone 5 support (both portrait and landscape)
+ Free

I'm really struggling trying to think of some negative things to say about Punch Quest, but the reality is that there is little to nothing wrong with this rewarding, addictive, free and just plain enjoyable mobile title. RocketCat Games has taken the endless runner genre and has meticulously elevated it to the next level. The bar has been raised, iOS developers better start bringing the heat on their next sidescrolling runner (I'm looking at you Super Meat Boy iOS).

The Score: 9 outta 10 Blasters!

Monday
Oct012012

Mark of the Ninja: Stealth Revival

I often wonder what it would be like to be a ninja. It's been a secret dream of mine since childhood, along with the desire to be an astronaut, dinosaur, underpaid startup employee, and unheralded videogame blogger. But at the end of the day, ninja is the one dream that persisted. If gaming has taught me anything, it's that ninjas are pretty much space marines with swords who every now and then rely on the cloak of shadow to replenish health before running back into broad daylight, slicing everything up like a food processor. Having done plenty of study on my future profession, I'm wise enough to know ninja blend into crowds like normal folk, using simple subterfuge to complete their tasks. While Mark of the Ninja isn't quite on that level of subtlely, it's one of the best representations of my shadow brethren since Tenchu. But is it any good?

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Friday
Sep142012

PUFFiT Vaporizer: Clean, Smart, Gamer Approved


A popular subculture of gaming's mega-culture is smoking. It's a huge part of everything everywhere, to be honest. Cigarettes, hookah, beedies, weed, even electronic cigs are found everywhere, inhaled by all walks of life. As an occasional smoker myself, I thought I should share with my fellow gamers a simple and elegant solution to avoid burning out your lungs, which has been starting to really come into its own and gain more attention of late: vaporizing.

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Tuesday
Sep042012

Transformers: Fall of Cybertron: Fanboy Heaven

Written by John Rios

Admittely, I'm a Transformers geek of Unicronian proportions. I have a collection of Transformers from the 80’s to the present day - both sealed and opened, an Autobots tattoo, and even had figures of Optimus Prime and Arcee in tux and dress atop my wedding cake when I tied the knot. So as you can imagine, being tasked to review this game without bias is a huge undertaking, but here we go..

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Tuesday
Aug212012

Dust: An Elysian Tail: Mewtroidvania


Anthropomorphism is a topic of complete polarization for me. On one hand, I was raised on the likes of Thundercats, Ducktales, TMNT and the like, enjoying every second of it even to this day. On the other, things like My Little Pony and the bronies it has spawned completely incenses me to the point of maniacal rage. Dust: An Elysian Tail is wearing anthropomorphism proudly, as evidenced by the titles play on words. Part of me thought to completely avoid this, what could have been a total ooze-fest of cutesy drivel targeted toward the young, dumb, and full of.. Fur. My other half can't say no to a hack-and-slash inspired Metroidvania action RPG. So I dove in, and well, surprise surprise.

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Monday
Aug062012

Deadlight: Wake Up Dead


I am no longer a fan of the zombies, and very rarely do I find myself wanting to play a game that uses the mindless undead as its dominant trait. In an odd turn of events, I felt compelled by new jack developer Tequila Works' initial release, Deadlight. Maybe it's because I've been dying to play a fresh new 2D action platformer for months? Maybe the bits of jumping and climbing punctuated by motion comic interludes worthy of a graphic novel was too much to turn down? Maybe she's born with it? Maybe it's Maybelline. Whatever it could have possibly been, I jumped into the deep, dark, zombie abyss with a 360 controller and high hopes.

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Thursday
Jun212012

Inversion: Gears of Bore


A long time ago in a browser far far away, the announcement of Inversion stirred my brain with the potential of premise. Sure, it's a third-person cover based shooter - perhaps the single most overused genre of this generation - but the title looked to mix things up by adding something new to the mix: gravity. Increase or decrease gravity to alter the world before you, to create and destroy. Use it to run up a wall or ceiling before normalizing to what may or may not be the world's natural gravitational pull. Would the additional mechanic be enough to lift a run of the mill brown and grey shooter from the gears of mediocrity?

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Sunday
Jun032012

Max Payne 3: The Return of the Gangsta


It seems like it was just a few years ago that I was having my mind blown by the incredible feats of Max Payne. Remedy Software's PC title broke many walls with its gritty tale of horror and industry-changing Bullet Time mechanic that hundreds of games have since reused, with often less than spectacular results. Then, after damn near a decade of silence, Rockstar gives new life to the series with the announcement of Max Payne 3, proving the series to be unkillable much like Max himself. Is the game as old and worn down as its hero as well?

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