Finally, A Game Worthy of Dikembe Mutumbo

It's an old wives tale that dates back to the late 1980's when Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo, with his Doctoral aspirations, threw open the door to a frat party on the Georgetown campus with a six-pack in very long arm, and exclaimed "WHO WANTS TO SEX MUTUMBO!" After years of dominant, defensive-minded basketball, and 6 strong children each legendary in their own right, it is sad to say that no one was ever up to the task of truly sexing Mutumbo. Or so we thought. Dikembe Mutubmo's 4 1/2 Weeks to Save the World is proof that the Old Spice brand along with a few lucky game designers indeed were able to sex Mount Mutumbo, and the offspring is this brilliant episodic Flash game. So far only the first of five chapters are available, with additional chapters unlocking in the coming weeks. You see, Dikembe's journey coincides with the coming of the end of the world, as foretold by the Mayan calendar, and only by changing the path of history will his journey be complete.

You may be thinking this is just another clever Old Spice marketing ploy, and yes, you would be correct, however this one has some serious chops. It's a collaboration between the creator of indie hall-of-famer Canibalt, the animator of widely enjoyed Super Crate Box, and a few other talented game industry individuals, who have come together and formed a Voltronian force worthy of Dikembe Mutumbo and his Blazing Balls. Also, finger wag. What up?!

Play this game now, and play it every week after until either the world is destroyed or Super Mutumbo comes through with a huge, game-saving, last minute rejection. Not in my house!

Dikembe Mutubmo's 4 1/2 Weeks to Save the World (via Polygon)

Brilliance in Design: ASCIIvania

Who says the most beautiful graphics, a Trent Reznor scored soundtrack, and gratuitous sex & violence is what makes games what they are? Me, sometimes. I call it like I see 'em! Here in one fine ass example of the latter, however. ASCIIvania is sorta like classic Castlevania, except the crumbling floors, Medusa heads, and whips have been replaced with letters, numbers, and symbols. As you explore the winding map, you find power-ups in the form of usable letters, which you can then change into to create words with the environment, which in turn opens up more of the map. You can also find symbols which allow you to double jump, reverse gravity, et al. Seriously, this description does no justice to the game itself. Please kill some time with ASCIIvania, you owe it to the classic gamer within that dies a little each time you pay $60 for a game. 

I never quite expected MS-DOS to so closely resemble the pride of my childhood, however this does the deed. Brilliant.

ASCIIvania via Rock, Paper, Shotgun 

Kill Time with Topless Ginger Mountain Climbing in GIRP

A few years ago, QWOP set the internet ablaze with Chariots of Fire, and an atrophied Olympian who faceplanted his way to what was perhaps one of the funniest free Flash games I have ever played. Everyone is a winner! Now the makers of the original keyboard-controlled hilarity has returned with more of that good stuff.

GIRP is the spiritual successor to QWOP, where instead of controlling an Olympian with involuntary leg muscle spasms, you control a ragdolling ginger whose carpet matches the drapes. Yes, orange pants and orange hair. Where QWOP strugged to run even half a meter down an Olympic track, GIRP is a real man. He toplessly climbs the mountain side with the elegance of Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger, while fending off a territorial bird and the rising tide. Go GIRP, go! 

GIRP is not NEARLY as difficult as QWOP (thankfully), but its accessibility, if you can call it that, makes it more addicting. I wanted to write this article hours ago, but I was stymied by the desire to see how far I could get GIRP. The screenshot above is my high score after an hour or so of practice. Of course, I promptly fell 64.3 meters to my untimely death immediately afterward. Come get some! 

Play GIRP for free! 

Score, Huh! What is it Good For?

Written by contributing author Mark Hagan

Is it possible for two games, with similar premise, visual aesthetic, and even the same name, to be entertaining on their own accord? For the free platformers Mr. Runner, then by all means yes. So as not to confuse, we will arbitrarily refer to the Armor Games offering as Mr. Runner A, and the GameVision iPhone app as Mr. Runner B. The goal of each is to, oddly enough, get from point A to point B. As a runner myself, this couldn’t be easier or more complex.

Like most platformers, simple controls and objectives make for a minimal learning curve. You’ll be well on your way to scaling walls and avoiding pools of lava in Mr. Runner A, as what to me looks like an 8-bit charred fire nymph. The game ramps the complexity with an analog feel to the leaping and bounding as the running is just a means of locomotion, not besting the level. Mr. Runner B however, is stripped down even further. The style is of simple design, perhaps a developer nod to the eerily similar Limbo, which is rapidly becoming a widespread source of homage. Jumping is omitted in favor of a straightforward dynamic of acceleration and timing.  Your nimble twiggy (not that Twiggy) navigates in and out of pockets of safety a la the Super Mario underworld.  Anticipation is key as you scamper through the world while it comes crashing down, the only reprieve coming in the form of the world’s familiar landmarks.

These marathon men hold a common virtue beyond design or mechanics. The lack of a true scoring system is where these games, and others like them, bring a complex, if not peculiar, goal in their own rite. By score, I mean there is really no way to judge your performance other than the mere advancement of your miniscule avatar.  It could be argued that time is the ultimate score (a parable maybe in each), but is it truly? For the most part, our gaming culture is built upon these mysterious benchmarks we accumulate, gloat about, and yearn to best. Yet here I am, shunning precious sleep, in an attempt to avoid the crush of the world, both real and virtual, so to reach the sanctuary of a giant Easter Island head.

Should game studios can take a page from this playbook? There is a community of gamers out there that do not belong to the casual crowd, yet don’t quite fit in the hardcore community either, possibly due to their lack of tea-bagging tendencies and KG inspired primal screams. A daily dose of self-affirmation doesn’t always need to come by way of tokens collected, gamerscore achieved, or zombie decapitations (a zombie capitation is not only more difficult, but will contribute to the sustainability of zombie harvesting for future generations).

Mr. Runner, in either of it's forms, won’t win any Game of the Year votes, but they do understand that sometimes enjoying the escape is reward enough.

Play Armor Games Mr. Runner | Download GameVision Mr. Runner

Mark has been gaming since the days of the Atari 5200 and such classics as Dig Dug and Eggomania. The Dreamcast was a turning point for him with games like Seaman and Jet Set Radio. His love of gadgets, games and geekery stems from his curiosity of innovation through art, and vice versa. His turn-ons include the sound of cellophane wrappers and warm sake in the morning.

Every Day The Same Dream

I like flash games. Every Day The Same Dream is kind of a flash game. I use the term game loosely because it seems to be more of a social commentary than a game. Games are meant to be tools to escape reality and find ourselves a place of enjoyment, or are sometimes used to present education in an entertaining way.

Every Day The Same Dream, feels like more of an independent short film than anything else. The fact that you have control of the focal character, and that you can control the ways in which a few days of his life play out make it a game. However, there is no beginning. There is not much in terms of an end. There is no explanation to why things are happening they way they are in the life of this faceless man, who could be you or me.

Is there even any fun to be had playing this "game?" I don't think so. Yet for some reason, after playing through and figuring out how to complete the very loose story, the experience dwindled in my thoughts as I went through my morning routine. What you've just read may make you want to avoid Every Day The Same Dream, but you should really play through it, from start to end.

Play Every Day The Same Dream

Kill Time With Closure

Bored at the office? At home, waiting for your roommate to finish shaving his legs so you can take your 2pm bubble bath? If you have some time to kill, give Closure a shot. It's a dark styled puzzle platformer that relies on the use of light to pave your way from one end of the stage to the other. Don't get caught without your glowing magic 8-Ball, one misstep in the shadows and you'll disappear right into the void.

Play Closure now!

Waste Time at Work with Solipskier

What do you get when you mix Canabalt, psychedelic mushrooms, and a soundtrack by Daisuke Ishiwatari?

Solipskier.

It's simple, fun, and addictive. Best played at work when you have nothing else to do. Especially if you're a boss with a hot-piece-of-ass secretary who you sexually harass, and you're bored of Farmville.

Play it now!